Through the Looking Glass

Before I was a television broadcaster and long before I was a teacher, I dreamed of being an actor. Growing up, I was the drama kid: school plays, drama club, creative speech competitions. Somehow, I fit in there better than anywhere else in my every day life. I liked creating and playing characters more than being myself, and through that, I could still exist in my inner thoughts and feelings. It was a great escape for sure. I have been able to act some as an adult through my last church and an occasional short film now and then, some times more successfully than others. I know bad acting when I see it, even in my own performances. Even so, it’s still enjoyable to have that outlet occasionally, and it is awesome that I teach at an arts school where that takes place all over campus.




One of the earlier performances I remember is in a musical version of Alice in Wonderland. I had a small singing part as the March Hare. I have since enjoyed multiple productions of this story from TV adaptations to plays to the most recent Johnny Depp 3-D film version. I have been thinking about Alice in Wonderland a lot lately, feeling a little like I have fallen down that rabbit hole. My last post on this blog was about being sick. It has been a long time since I got sick on July 21st, and I am just finally on the path to recovery.

I am seeing a pulmonologist now, and he believes walking pneumonia and whooping cough exasperated my asthma, and I have pretty much been having a chronic asthma attack, exemplified by a horrible cough. It would definitely explain the exhaustion I have experienced. The treatment has been three different inhalers and medication with lots of side effects. It’s working, but ten weeks on constant medication has left me feeling “Dazed and Confused.” This week, I also discovered that there’s a major moisture, mildew and possible mold problem in my bathroom and closet, caused by plumbing problems. It’s gutted now, being repaired and sanitized, and I am sleeping on the couch in the living room during the work. Ironically, while I have been sick, my room has been a real refuge, and I have spent way more time there than normal -- all the while it may have been contributing to my sickness.


I can definitely relate to Alice’s line: “I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see." I have definitely not been myself, and it has impacted all aspects of my life. I could have easily fallen into a real since of depression during this extended sick time, while I wondered what the heck was wrong with me. Have there been moments of extreme sadness and depression? Yes. But, they’ve been random, fleeting, and merited. I know that it is a testament to my spiritual growth and the truth of who I am in Christ that has prevented a submersion into the sadness.


As in most tough times, I have learned a lot through this extended time of sickness:

 Rest is a spiritual discipline I need to make a priority. I am a night owl with a day job, and those do not mix.

 Ministry involvement is life giving for me, and fortunately I have been able to honor my commitments in the midst of this madness and help myself in the process.

 Alone time is the fuel that keeps me going. I am a professionally trained extrovert who can entertain and talk nonstop about most topics, but I draw my energy and strength from quite the opposite introverted experience: I want to leave the party early, I want to read quietly alone, I prefer to have one-on-one conversations than with a group, I enjoy the beach when it’s just my iPod and me, and I actually enjoy watching TV and movies alone. I have heard this is often common for performers and even comedians.

 Working out is motivational for me, and it’s been challenging, but I have literally dragged myself to the gym once a week.

 Great friends shine in the worst times of your life: an encouraging email to remind me I am not defined by the sickness, meeting for a conversational pep talk even after they have had an extremely long work day, singing voicemails that always make me laugh, a home-cooked meal, check-in phone calls and emails.

 Often a simple date night of Chick-fil-A and Target is better than more complex plans.

 Writing is part of who I am. J.K. Rowling told Oprah in an interview last week: “I literally can't stop. Well, you could tie my hands to my sides, I suppose, but I have to write for my own mental health. I need to write. I love it." I relate to that. Hence, this blog post.