Have you ever seen a view like this at the beach? It’s what I found yesterday when I arrived at the ocean fresh off my latest visit with the neurologist. And, it visually described my emotions – an area of light breaking through the darkness.
“I do not believe you have Parkinson’s disease. I do not know exactly what’s going on, but at this point it does not appear to be Parkinson’s.” This is the second time this neurologist has considered the possibility and come to that conclusion, and I trust her because she’s the only doctor who has made some major progress in this struggle. The neurologist is still baffled by what caused the speech impediment I developed almost a year ago, but other than the speech problem I have had no other symptoms of Parkinson’s. She does believe that for some reason an area of my brain is deficient in the same chemical deficient in Parkinson’s patients. And, the Parkinson’s medication I have been taking for a little over a month is restoring my speech fluency. It’s a tangible solution to a problem that has appeared unsolvable.
The reality is I will be taking this medication three times a day for an indefinite amount of time. Currently, if I miss a dose or have a longer time gap between doses, the stutter resurfaces. It’s that quick and apparent and unsettling. The medicine makes me consistently tired (kind of like a Nyquil hangover), which is frustrating, but the hope is that will subside in time. I will continue regular appointments with the neurologist to monitor my progress and to make sure there are no other signs of anything degenerative.
“At this moment I feel…” It’s a journaling question that’s part of a spiritual formation program, theodyssey, I have been involved in going on three years. “How do I feel?” has been a complicated question to answer for me for quite awhile. Here are my words for now: blessed, thankful, confused, hopeful, encouraged, and above all, tired – physically, emotionally, and mentally tired. This year and a half, first in sickness then in fighting to regain my speech, has taken its toll, but like the view at the beach, I see and feel the light breaking through the darkness. In regaining my speech fluency in the last month, I have just begun to discover how much the speech impediment impacted my life. There is still grieving, sadness, and dark clouds to work through, but things are starting to turn.
In the meantime, the below scripture is the hope and desire of my heart, and I am choosing to rejoice.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4: 4-9
You inspire me, brother. I wish you were not going through all this. I wish you were whole and well and didn't have to take medicine 3 times a day. Thank you for keeping your eyes on Him and for sharing your story. I'm glad the medicine is working and I hope you continue to get better. You are in my prayers. My hope is that this crappy situation will continue to draw you closer to Him. Your fraternity brother, Jay Hunt, Mobile, AL.
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