Paging Dr. House!

According to IMDb, the FOX television show House M.D. is about Dr. Gregory House, an antisocial maverick doctor who specializes in diagnostic medicine who does whatever it takes to solve puzzling cases that come his way using his crack team of doctors and his wits. 

My primary care doctor says she wants to provide that kind of help for me.  She came on late in the diagnosis process, and wanted to wait to see how speech therapy went before more investigation.  So, six months after developing a speech impediment (the backstory), I am back in the investigatory mode, seeing new specialists, repeating tests, and having new tests performed.  All the doctors I have seen agree something happened, most likely a reaction to extended mold exposure or a reaction to some medications, but so far no luck finding a solution.  Speech therapy helped, but did not solve the problem.  


While re-entering the investigation, I am also trying to become more comfortable with the way I sound as is, because it may never change.  Though, there is still the chance that my speech could slowly improve over time.  My doctor admits we may not find any answers, but I do appreciate her desire to pursue all options and have been impressed with the other doctors I am seeing this time around.  My primary care doctor says she's doing the same thing for me that she would do for her own brother, and that's helpful to hear. I speak publicly for a living, so it's my desire to regain full speech fluency if possible.


Writing about this situation on-line has helped me process, but i still struggle with discomfort when I see people I have not seen in awhile, meet new people, or speak in front of groups.  Despite writing about what's happened, I have struggled with a way to describe simply how I feel about this situation.  Then, I read the following in a book a couple of weeks ago: "no words can articulate the amount of disappointment and frustration I feel."  Yep, that about sums it up.  Still, it's not a feeling of despair or hopelessness by any means.  In the midst of this, I have never felt more loved, more valued, more encouraged, more supported, more connected with God.  God's cool like that.  He redeems the worst of this world just when we thought we could not handle the big and small challenges in our lives.


Today, I start my 12th year of teaching high school.  I will be doing something I have never done before on the first day of school.  I will be sharing with my students a personal struggle.  It's important for them and me that I let them know about my speech situation, but it's definitely not comfortable for me.  I only received positive feedback from students last semester who experienced this change in real time, so I know this time will be no different.  I work at an awesome school with great students and co-workers.  See that whole valued, encouraged, supported stuff in the last paragraph.  That applies to my school too.


A contemporary Christian worship song I learned recently by Matt Redman represents this particular season for me well. Here's a portion of the words.


Never Once


Standing on this mountaintop 

Looking just how far we've come 

Knowing that for every step 

You were with us 

Kneeling on this battle ground 

Seeing just how much You've done 

Knowing every victory 

Is Your power in us 

Scars and struggles on the way 

But with joy our hearts can say 

Yes, our hearts can say 

Never once did we ever walk alone 

Never once did You leave us on our own 

You are faithful, God, You are faithful