Life Lessons Learned From a Stutter

For a year, I struggled with my speech due to a rare adult onset speech impediment. I spent five months in speech therapy re-training my brain to say simple words until the therapist told me my speech was as good as it would most likely get. A neurologist then prescribed Parkinson's medication that now miraculously controls my stutter, returning my speech mostly to normal as long as I stay on the medication. I have no other signs of Parkinson's disease but apparently there's a dopamine deficiency in the area of my brain that controls my speech, and the medicine creates dopamine targeted for that area. I've been on the medication for three years this week, and it makes me constantly drowsy. For me, it's worth it to not have to constantly fight to produce words, which is even more exhausting. I wish everyone who struggles with a speech impediment of any kind could find a manageable solution. 

For the year that all my words came with extra sounds, syllables, and repetition and ever since, I have learned a lot of lessons. Here are just a few of those lessons:

Hope for Humanity. Through the entire year, not once did a person working in the service industry (waiter, barista, call center personnel, etc.) become impatient, rude, or frustrated while they waited for me to speak. They actually went above and beyond to help me feel more comfortable, as they and sometimes the people waiting behind me in line, waited for me to finish. As someone who has seen the absolute worst in humanity up close covering murders, other crimes, and scandals as a television reporter, this experience truly restored my hope for humanity. At one point, a phone rep for my insurance company explained the three other calls I needed to make to handle the situation, then stopped and offered to make those calls for me then call me back.  I was shocked, humbled, and immensely relieved.

Inner Circle.  I know a lot of people through church, work, family, and long distance friendships.  But, during this time when talking was tough, I learned the depth of need for an inner circle -- those people who you can draw close to and say absolutely anything and who will help you with absolutely anything.  Initially, as I pulled away from larger social gatherings and activities for my own personal comfort, my inner circle of friends and family rose up and filled the gap in all areas. When you are at your deepest need, you find out who those people are who view your friendship with mutuality and will be there for you no matter what. I definitely lost some friendships and relationships during this time, but I gained deeper appreciation and closeness with others.

“Help” is the most important four-letter word. As someone who has been very independent for a very long time, asking for help was a real growth area. I had to ask people to help teach lessons in my class, including my advanced students. I had to ask teacher friends to cover my class for doctors’ appointments and speech therapy sessions. I had to ask friends to help with phone calls and more complicated verbal communication needs. Saying help became more hopeful than humiliating. 

Silence can be golden. Communication was my major in college. It's one of my five top strengths on the strength finders test. I have worked in the area of verbal communication for 25 years. And, as a TV reporter and as a teenager, I talked my way out of a lot of tough situations. So, I typically filled silent moments with conversation while with friends and family...and left the silence to my extended times living or traveling alone (which fuels me and I enjoy immensely). So to sit in a car with someone for an extended trip or hanging out and talking sparingly was foreign to me, but I discovered that can be awesome as well.  Plus, my father always told me when I was growing up: think before you speak. Lesson learned – the hard way. 

The Power of Vulnerability. Everyone has something – everyone is going through or has gone through something difficult in his or her life. I hope, if nothing else, people hear the underlying truth behind this blog and my story. I will continue to share this truth -- we are not alone in times of adversity. We need each other. In safe, trusting, and caring community, vulnerability is necessary and healing. If those close to you don’t know you are hurting, they cannot help. When I shared with the students in my class my personal struggle, it was transformational for them and for me. People can benefit from knowing your struggle.  Robin Roberts from Good Morning America has twice battled with cancer very publicly, and I love what she says about using her struggle for the sake of others: “Make your mess your message.” We often hear that God can use someone despite their weakness, but I believe even more in what I heard a pastor say recently: "God will use you because of your weakness.” 

Identity.  I shared on stage almost a year ago, in front of 400 teenagers and live on the Internet, how I learned to embrace and believe in my true identity when the skill and talent I trusted the most as a lifelong public speaker was impaired.  That TEDxYouth talk above has now been seen by thousands online.  Today, when I stutter, and it happened multiple times this very day.  I know it’s just a part of who I am, and it reminds me of many of these valuable lessons.