Mark Raines Raw

One of the first R-rated movies I remember seeing in the movie theater is “Eddie Murphy Raw” (1987), a stand-up comedy film starring Eddie Murphy. The title refers to the fairly graphic (for the time) sexual content of Murphy’s stand-up material. At the time, “Eddie Murphy Raw” contained the most uses of the f-word in a feature-length film.



I have been thinking about the title (not the content) of that film a lot lately. I think the word “raw” would be a good way to describe my life right now. For some reason, God is calling me to a time of personal and public vulnerability. Quite a few years ago, I shared my personal testimony with the large morning gathering of my church. It’s the most “personal” I had ever been in a public forum, and it was definitely a stretching experience. As someone who has lived in the very public world of television news and public service, I have mostly kept my personal life and struggles just that -- personal. Honestly, I thought that public testimonial would be the most raw experience I would have.

Apparently, God had others plans. This past year, I participated in a spiritual formation course called theodyssey through my church, Flood. I like to think of it as a seminary class with ongoing life application. The goal of the program is to guide people through the process of spiritual formation, defined as being conformed to the image of Jesus for the sake of others. Through the weekly meetings, personal journal times, interpersonal relationships, and the group retreats, God renewed my spirit, further developed my love for His word, and called me to a season of personal vulnerability. Here are just a few examples of how that’s played out in recent months:

 Through the course, I have discussed thoughts, feelings, and experiences in our group of 24 and my smaller group of six that I do not think I had ever said out loud. It was definitely uncomfortable, but it felt good to share and hear common experiences from others in the group.



 I definitely cry more now -- not in an irrational, overly emotional manner, but in a genuine “these types of things should make you cry” way. This particular area of vulnerability has played itself out in a variety situations, but no more than through a medical mission trip to Haiti I participated in two days after theodyssey ended, and the experience was definitely a God-inspired yet heart-breaking trip. As part of the experience, I recorded video journals every day to be included in a short film my high school cinema students would create. On one particularly tough day, I cry on-camera. Honestly, as a former television journalist, that seemed really unprofessional, especially realizing this would be seen by my students and possibly in public forums. I tried to re-record that segment 3 or 4 times, before I realized I could not stop the tears. I deleted the other takes, and you see the first one in our edited film. After the trip, three reporters have interviewed me about the experience, and I have cried every time. If you ask me about the trip today, there are trigger questions that will bring the tears for sure. Our film, “Haitian Hope: Field Hospital” has been downloaded more than a thousand times on-line. If you haven’t seen it, you should definitely check it out.


 Shortly before the Haiti trip, I participated in a college forum for young men discussing the topic of sex, representing the single Christian guy. For the first time, I publically answered questions about topics I have only discussed with close guy friends or young men I have mentored.

 Last week, I volunteered as a camp counselor at a free sports camp for elementary (K-5) children, The Fripple Games. I spent the week with seven 4th grade boys learning soccer – a first for me on many levels. It’s the type of experience I could have benefitted from a great deal at their age. The love and encouragement shown to these children through sports was amazing.

 Recently, a documentary crew spent the day with me for a personal profile to be included in a short film. It’s my understanding my story will represent how God can take us from a feeling of black and white to full-color.

 Next year, I will be trained and lead a group through the theodyssey process, providing the opportunity for more people in our community.

There's even more, but that's enough personal sharing for here. Even as I type this and contemplate pushing “publish blog post,” this post seems raw as well. It has definitely been a season of growth, discomfort, and vulnerability. A week from today, I will turn 40, and I have such a real sense of how awesome my 30’s have been. I can only imagine what God has in store for me in this new decade.